You know, it’s ok to say no: A lesson in creating and holding boundaries

We’ve all been there. A friend, a colleague, a family member asks something of us, and instinctively, we say yes. We say yes even when we’re exhausted, overwhelmed, or know deep down that we shouldn’t. Why? Because we’re afraid to disappoint. Afraid to be seen as rude or selfish. Afraid to let others down. But here’s the truth: it is okay to say no.

We live in a world that thrives on doing for others, where “yes” is often expected, where boundaries are blurred, and where saying no feels like a betrayal of who we are. But what if I told you that saying no doesn’t make you selfish? What if it actually makes you more honest, more loving, and more of the person you truly want to be?

1. Acknowledge That You Have Limits

We all have limits, and there’s power in recognizing them. You are not a machine. You are a human being, full of emotions, responsibilities, and needs. The first step to holding the boundaries you’ve set is acknowledging that your time and energy are finite. When you stretch yourself too thin, you deplete not only your own well-being, but also your ability to show up as your best self for others. Saying no isn’t an act of rejection—it’s an act of self-preservation. By honoring your own limits, you’re giving yourself the space to grow, recharge, and show up as your best version of you.

2. Reframe “No” as an Act of Love

One of the biggest fears when saying no is the potential to hurt someone else’s feelings. We fear that others will think we don’t care about them. But here’s the thing: setting a boundary is one of the most loving things you can do—for both yourself and the person on the other side.

When you say yes to something you don’t want to do, you’re not honoring your own needs, and often, you’re not able to give the person asking what they truly need. On the other hand, when you say no, you give yourself the space to focus on what matters most to you, which ultimately helps you show up more fully for those you care about. You cannot pour from an empty cup, no matter how much you want to.

By holding your boundaries, you model healthy behavior for others and teach them the importance of respecting their own limits too. You show them that it’s okay to say no, and that their needs matter just as much as anyone else’s.

3. Understand the Power of Saying No

You might be thinking, “But what if they get upset?” Here’s the truth: the people who truly love and care for you will respect your boundaries, even if it takes a little time for them to adjust. And the people who don’t respect your no—well, that says more about them than it does about you.

Setting boundaries is empowering. It allows you to live your life on your terms, not according to the expectations of others. Saying no can free up your time, your energy, and your heart for the things that truly matter—whether that’s self-care, your family, or your passions. When you start saying no with kindness and clarity, you give yourself permission to lead a life that aligns with your values.

4. The Fear of Disappointment

One of the toughest emotions that come up when we set boundaries is the fear of disappointing others. We’re afraid they won’t understand or that they’ll think less of us. But in reality, disappointment isn’t a reflection of who you are—it’s a reflection of someone’s unmet expectations.

People may feel disappointed, and that’s okay. Their feelings are valid, but they are also their responsibility, not yours. It’s important to remember that no one’s happiness or sense of well-being should be placed solely on your shoulders. You are not here to be everyone’s savior, and it’s unrealistic (and unfair) to expect yourself to meet everyone’s needs all the time.

Setting a boundary and saying no is not a rejection of the person, but rather an acknowledgment that you need to take care of yourself too. It’s a sign of emotional maturity that says, “I care about you, but I also care about me.”

5. Practice Saying No

The more you practice saying no, the easier it gets. Start small. Maybe it’s declining an invitation you know you don’t have the energy for, or saying no to a request that isn’t aligned with your values. Each time you say no, you’ll be reinforcing the truth that it’s okay to put yourself first.

Remember, saying no doesn’t need to come with a long explanation. You don’t owe anyone a detailed account of why you can’t do something. A simple, “I’m not able to right now,” or, “That doesn’t work for me,” is enough. The more confidently and calmly you express your boundaries, the more others will begin to respect them.

6. Reclaim Your Power

When you begin to say no, something incredible happens. You reclaim your power. You stop living in reaction to everyone else’s needs, and you start living in alignment with your own. It’s not always easy, but it is always worth it. By setting and holding your boundaries, you’re telling the world—and yourself—that you are worthy of your own time, care, and attention.

So, I’ll say it again: It’s okay to say no. You don’t need permission from anyone to take care of yourself. Your needs are important, and you deserve the space to honor them. You are allowed to protect your peace. You are allowed to take a step back when things become too much. Saying no doesn’t make you weak. It makes you strong. It makes you honest. It makes you whole.

So go ahead—say no. Your heart, your mind, and your soul will thank you for it.